


Depression

by Wolvesta



Series: Aftercare Bingo [8]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Aftercare Bingo, Buck has depression but Eddie loves him anyway, Depression, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Hurt but lots of Comfort, Insecurity, Light Angst, M/M, No Beta, References to Depression, Soft Eddie Diaz, Soft Love, Vulnerability, eddie is a good boyfriend, like really soft, soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-25
Updated: 2020-03-25
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:42:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23308555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wolvesta/pseuds/Wolvesta
Summary: It’s going to be a long night, but Eddie is ready.Because in the end, it’s worth it.Buck is worth it.OrBuck’s depression hits one night and Eddie takes his time showing Buck that he loves him no matter what
Relationships: Christopher Diaz & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley & Christopher Diaz & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Series: Aftercare Bingo [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1542400
Comments: 6
Kudos: 260





	Depression

Eddie had been living with Buck for almost 4 months now, and since he has been his best friend for over 2, he has learned a few things. He learned that Buck is a sucker for musicals on TV, he loves going to the art museum, he pretends to like Die Hard even though he doesn’t get it, he’s learning Spanish so his relatives don’t feel uncomfortable about the language barrier. Eddie is learning so many new things about Buck, like sometimes he has to wear glasses after a call that involves hay or dust because of allergies. Even though he isn’t vegan he likes vegan pastries.

Eddie found all of these things endearing and he found himself loving Buck a little more with each new thing he learned. He also learned that while Buck has a lot of cute and sexy quirks, he also has his own demons. Like when he sees parents mistreating their children, he tenses up and tries to hide behind the truck. His anxiety instantly spikes when water splashes on him in surprise and Eddie has to gently remind him that he’s safe. His hyper-fixations help him cope with certain situations and Eddie is always there to show him something new. But the one thing he wish he saw coming was his depression.

Buck had worked up the courage to tell him about his depression, Eddie could see the fear in Buck’s eyes, so he was quick to reassure him. Eddie cupped Buck’s face and gently gives Buck a kiss.

“I’m so proud of you, thank you for telling me” Eddie whispers against his lips in pride, knowing that this was scaring Buck to no end to tell him.

“Y-you’re not mad? Or disappointed?” Buck asks in hesitation and Eddie gently squeezes his neck.

“No amor, I’m not. I know this wasn’t an easy thing to do. You’re so brave for telling me this, thank you for trusting me with this” Eddie said and Buck breaks eye contact as he looks down and sheds some tears. Eddie smiles sadly and pulls Buck to him, squeezing him gently. Buck curls around Eddie and cries.

“Baby what’s wrong?” Eddie asks after a moment.

“S-sorry…it’s just that-“ Buck takes a breath to continue “Remember when I said that Ali left because he couldn’t handle my job? Well…I lied. Even though that’s part of it, she left right after I told her about my depression. She gave me that look of disappointment and just walked right out. Didn’t even say goodbye…” And the hair on the back of Eddie’s neck stand up when the feeling of protectiveness surge through him. He always respected Ali to a degree, but now he hopes he never sees her again for even daring to hurt Buck in the worst possible way.

“Hey…I’m sorry she did that to you Buck. You didn’t deserve that, but I’m not her ok? I won’t walk out on you, I’m not going to run, you’re stuck with me ok?” Eddie says, wiping the tears off of Buck’s face. Buck sighs and leans into the touch for comfort.

“Thank you…I love you”

“I love you too”

{~}{~}

Eddie gets the feeling that something bad is going to happen when he sees someone walk into the station. He learns that this person is a temporary transfer to replace another firefighter who had to leave in a hurry. He made eye contact with them and instantly got a bad vibe, but he brushed it off when Bobby introduced them to the others. Eddie waved back and went about their day after the introductions were made.

Their shift went by in a flash with no bad calls. There were some weird ones, but none of them had lost a person, so it was an overall good day. That is until it was time to go home. Eddie had just finished getting dressed to go home and was watching for Buck, who took his sweet ass time talking to Bobby today for some reason. But he has to wait because they drove here together. He sees Buck emerge a corner with boxers and a shirt already on. He smiles and eye dips Buck’s body in appreciation.

“Do you mind?” Buck asks when he sees Eddie looking at him.

“Nope” Eddie says smiling and Buck laughs. He goes back to gather his things when he sees the replacement come in the locker room, grabbing his things from one of the spare lockers. Eddie heads out to put his stuff in his car. When he is finished, he walks back in to see the guy leaving the locker room and Eddie had to watch as a glaze come over Buck’s eyes, his posture dropping and his bag falling to the floor as his body goes slack. Eddie is there in an instant, slowly guiding him to sit on the bench.

“Buck? You with me? What happened?” But it’s too late because Buck has already retreated into his mind and Eddie knows from experience that Buck won’t come out for a while. “Ok…Buck I’m going to bring you to the car now ok?”

“Come back to me. Don’t stay in there too long ok?” Eddie whispers against his ear. It’s always a little challenging when Buck gets like this, because sometimes Eddie does and doesn’t know what to do, but what always works is him holding Buck’s hand, or touching some part of him. Buck is a very tactile person, but especially in this state, he gets touch-starved very easily, so Eddie is always holding Buck’s hand or touching his thigh. Something to know that he’s there for Buck.

_It’s going to be a long night, but Eddie is ready nonetheless_

{~}{~}

Eddie doesn’t let go of Buck’s hand the entire ride home. Even though they took Buck’s car, Eddie doesn’t trust that Buck is able to drive home. Buck is still unresponsive to Eddie’s touches as he helps him out of the car. He gently pulls Buck to the bedroom and sits him down on the bed.

“I’m going to relieve Carla and make sure Chris is ok. I’ll be right back precioso” Eddie kneels down to take Buck’s shoes off and places a kiss on his forehead.

Eddie walks back into the kitchen and sees Carla fixing Chris a peanut butter & strawberry jelly sandwich.

“Hi dad!” Chris sees his dad standing in the doorway. Carla looks over.

“Hey there he is. How was work today?” Carla asks as she places the sandwich in front of Chris. “Bye Chris, see you later” Carla squeezes Chris’s cheeks and goes to the hallway over.

“Work was good…and then it wasn’t” Carla raises her eyebrow in confusion and Eddie explains what happened. Eddie could see Carla’s jaw clench and her cheek pulsate. Eddie knows this when Carla is pissed.

“Is he ok?” Carla asks after a moment.

“It’s going to be one of those nights, I mean it’s not the first time…it’s just that-“

“You hate seeing him this way?” Carla finishes and Eddie nods.

“I hate seeing him in pain. I feel there’s nothing I can do, I love him and I feel like I’m failing him when I can’t help him”

“My husband gets that way sometimes, just show him that you’re there. It’s hard, but it’s worth it right?” Carla asks and Eddie nods.

“He’s always worth it” Eddie says looking upstairs and Carla smiles at this.

“You let me know if you need anything. You take care of my boy ok?” Carla says and Eddie nods at this.

“I will, promise” Carla seems satisfied at this bids goodbye to Eddie as she leaves in her car.

“Is Buck ok?” Asks Christopher from behind and seems concerned.

“He had a bad day mijo. I think someone made him feel bad” Eddie says in a way that only a child could understand.

“We need to make him feel better before I go” Eddie then remembers that Karen is coming to pick him up for a sleepover with Denny and Nia. Christopher is excited about meeting Nia for the first time and can’t wait to give her one of his toys. Eddie smiles when Chris is about to climb the stairs. Knowing that Karen is almost here, he picks Christopher up and takes him up the stairs.

“Dad, I need to go to the bathroom” Eddie nods and puts him in the bathroom.

“Come to the room when you are done. I think Buck would love to see you” Eddie closes the door to the bathroom and goes to their shared bedroom. His heart breaks when he sees Buck is still the same. But at least he is lying down on the bed, his back is facing the door, so Eddie comes around the front. He kneels in front of Buck and places his hand on buck’s face, he feels his heart squeeze when buck doesn’t even blink at the contact.

“Hey there amor, Chris is coming in here to say hi before he leaves to Hen’s house. Then it’ll just be us ok?” Buck doesn’t respond, but Eddie isn’t expecting an answer. He hears Christopher’s crutches as he comes into the room. He comes to where Eddie is and he places his small hand on Buck’s face.

“Hi Buck. Heard you had a bad day, but it’s ok, you’re gonna be ok” Chris says and Eddie smiles, even though Chris doesn’t really understand what Buck is really going through. But he can’t complain because when Chris places his hand on Buck’s face, he blinks at the contact. He makes eye contact with Chris and he gives a small smile. Buck cups Christopher’s face to pat it gently in appreciation. Chris moves closer to give Buck a hug and he is able to muster the strength to give Christopher a kiss on the cheek.

Eddie feels his phone vibrate and he can see that Karen texted him that she is outside.

“Karen is here Chris, can you go downstairs to put your shoes on?”

“Bye Buck, love you” Chris leaves before Buck can respond, excitement taking over.

“I’m going to make sure he gets in the car safely ok? Be back hermoso” Eddie places another kiss on Buck’s forehead before he leaves.

{~}{~}

“Hey mi corazón, I’m back. I brought you a glass of water, in case you were thirsty. I know you haven’t drank since our call. Do you think you can try to drink some for me?” Eddie gently helps Buck sit up straight and places the glass to his lips, and after a second, Buck opens his mouth and welcomes the liquid. After downing half the glass, he lies back down. Eddie places the glass on the nightstand and sits on the edge of the bed. He gently takes Buck’s limp hand and intertwines it with his own.

“Buck we’re back home now, you’re safe now. Do you think you can tell me what happened?” Buck doesn’t say anything, doesn’t even squeeze his hand in response. Eddie feels like crying, he doesn’t know what to do. Buck usually tells him what’s wrong and they go from there, but Eddie is at a loss.

“Hey…” Eddie kneels on the floor by the edge of the bed and leans his head near Buck’s. “Did that guy say something to you?” Eddie didn’t get a verbal response, but he saw Buck blink rapidly and he knows the answer. “Whatever he told you, it’s not true…you know that right? I don’t know what that bastard said to you, but you’re safe here ok? You’re with me, in our home” Eddie can see the tear welling up in Buck’s eyes and he knows that whatever the guy said, has had a bad effect on Buck’s mental state right now. Eddie can see that Buck is trying hard to contain the tears, but he needs to let it out.

“It’s ok kärlek, you can let it out” Buck's dam broke and the tears came out in full force. But he still remained somewhat silent. Buck began to sob quietly and Eddie wiped the tears as they came out. Eddie hesitated before getting on top on the bed and pulling Buck close to him. But he felt relief when Buck returned the hug. Curling himself around Eddie and sobbing into his chest. Eddie sighed sadly and ran his fingers through Buck's hair in a calming manner.

“Shh, it’s ok. I’m here…I’m right here, baby, I’m not going anywhere” For some reason, that only made Buck cry harder and Eddie simply tightened his hold on Buck. "It's been a long day hasn't it alma? What do you think, should we just sleep here?" Eddie asks and while Buck still doesn't give a physical response, Eddie feels Buck sag against him.

“Let’s get you dressed into something more comfortable ok?” Buck nods this time and Eddie feels a little surge of victory course through him at this. “Do you think you can sit up?” Buck does nothing, but Eddie hears him sigh as he unravels himself from Eddie and sits at the edge of the bed. Eddie squeezes his shoulders and slides his hands down Buck’s arms and grabs his hands to gently pull him up to stand. Eddie telegraphs his movements so Buck doesn’t get startled.

Eddie grabs the hem of Buck’s shirt and gently lifts it off of him and Buck cooperates by lifting his arms. Allowing Eddie to take his shirt off. Eddie throws it in the hamper to wash and when he takes a look at Buck, he grimaces when he sees the dirt and grime from the shift. Buck was unable to catch a shower.

“Oh my love, you don’t look very comfortable with all this dirt on you…do you want to take a shower? Maybe it’ll help…” Buck looks to where the bathroom is and then down at their intertwined hands and Eddie gets the message. “I don’t know about you, but I need a shower, do you want to take one with me?” Eddie asks and pulls them to the bathroom after Buck nods yes.

{~}{~}

“Come here” Eddie says in the quiet of the shower. The hot water visibly relaxes Buck and Eddie can see that Buck is still crying. Eddie gently pulls him to him and allows Buck to bury his face in his neck. Eddie gently kisses him on the side of the head.

“I love you so much. I wish I could take this from you, but I can’t. And I hope you can tell me what happened, but let me take care of you for now” Eddie gently pries Buck from his body to let him stand.

“God…you’re so beautiful…tan guapo. I don’t know what he said to you, but whatever it is, he’s wrong. You’re amazing” Eddie places a kiss between Buck’s eyes and his nose.

He takes his time washing the day off of Buck. Starting with his hair, he uses his nails to gently scrape along the areas he knows will get Buck to relax. And it works, Eddie can see Buck visibly relaxing, evening producing a small moan when Eddie gently scrapes the back of his neck. Eddie rinses the soap out of Buck’s hair, making sure none of it gets in his eyes. He then lathers Buck’s bath loofa with soap and gently washes him. He runs it over his body and lets the water rinse it off. Once Buck was clean, he quickly cleaned himself and turned the water off, keeping a hand on Buck at all times.

“That’s better isn’t it? Now you’re all nice and clean, you’ll sleep so much better now” Eddie grabs their fluffiest towel and dries Buck off, still being soft and gentle.

{~}{~}

After drying and lovingly dressing Buck in a soft shirt and boxers, he dries Buck hair with his dryer. He leaves it dry and doesn’t bother to put any product since they have the day off tomorrow. He runs his fingers through Buck’s hair, enjoying the scent that is uniquely his.

“Come on dulce, time for bed” Eddie makes sure that Buck is settled on the bed before lying next to Buck. Eddie is about to ask something but it dies in his throat when Buck moves closer to Eddie. He finds himself with an armful of Buck and he buries his face in Buck’s curling hair.

“You’re ok baby…it’s ok” Eddie please a soft kiss in Buck’s hair and waits for him to drift off. But Buck doesn’t right away, he can feel Buck thinking.

“My love…what are you thinking?” Eddie asks gently but Buck doesn’t respond. Eddie hugs him tighter, “Let me in Buck, what are you thinking?” Eddie asks again, but he’s prepared to not receive an answer.

“He saw my leg…and he told me that it was horrifying to look at” Buck said quietly and Eddie finds himself bristling with anger at that.

“Buck-“ Eddie feels his heart break.

“I know but…is he right?” Buck asks and Eddie can hear the vulnerability in his voice. Eddie frantically shakes his head and is about to pull him closer but Buck wiggles out of his hold and sits up.

“He’s right, isn’t he? I know that it’s bad to look at, but I thought that it wasn’t that bad anymore and-“

“Baby baby, hey” Eddie sits up to and moves his body to face Buck’s. “Hey look at me, don’t talk like that love. I know you have a lot of insecurities when it comes to your leg, but he doesn’t matter. Do you know why?” Buck looks at him in question, his eyes glassy. “Because he doesn’t know you like I do. He doesn’t love you like I do, he doesn’t know the strong, passionate, kind-hearted, energetic man I love. He doesn’t know you.”

“Then why did it hurt so much?” Buck asks, sobbing into his hands. Eddie places one hand in Buck’s hair and the other on his legs, pulling him close and leaning his forehead against the side of Buck.

"He wasn't thinking love. It's hard to ignore insults, but I'm glad you told me. I know it wasn't easy" Eddie says, adjusting himself when Buck leans into his touches. Eddie lays down and Buck tucks himself in between Eddie’s head and neck.

"I know it's been a long road of recovery for you amor. It’s still hard some days, but I'm here for you, always" Eddie emphasized always, making sure that Buck knows he is truly loved by Eddie. Buck begins to cry again, and Eddie held him tighter, rocking him in his arms, knowing that body contact can help. Eddie gently lifts Buck's face and places a soft kiss on Buck's lips, and through he was crying, he kissed back. "I love you...you're my everything" Eddie whispers against his lips and Buck shudders at this.

“Love you too” Eddie looks at Buck through the lights of the city coming in from his windows.

“Wish you could see what I see. How amazing you are, you’re so beautiful. I love everything about you” Eddie says and it is the absolute truth.

“Even when I get like…this?” Buck asks hesitantly and Eddie gently kisses him again.

“Even now. I love _everything_ about you, even when you steal my socks in the winter” this produces a small quiet laugh out of Buck. “I’ll love you at your highest, and I’ll love you at your lowest. Nothing can change that” Buck tears up at this and cries.

“Oh amor was it something I said? I’m sorry”

“D-don’t be…it’s just that-um” Buck sighs and takes a breath to steady himself. “I-I never thought that someone could love me…even with my depression”

“Well don’t think about that anymore ok? Because it’s me, I love you for you” Eddie solidifies his statement with a firm but a gentle kiss to Buck and he sags in relaxation against him.

“I don’t know if I’ll be completely better in the morning,” Buck says honestly.

“I don’t expect you to Buck, you take as much time as you need. I’m right here, we have nowhere else to be” Eddie says and Buck sighs in relief.

“Thank you…” Buck says as he finally falls asleep on Eddie.

{~}{~}

Come morning, Buck slowly wakes up, and he realizes that he isn’t on top of Eddie anymore. He feels his heart sink at the thought that Eddie left him, but it’s chased away.

“Shh it’s ok. I’m right here” Eddie says from behind him and he feels his hand being squeezed. He looks down when he realizes that there is a weight in his arms and he sees that Chris is asleep.

“He thought that cuddles would make you feel better,” Eddie says quietly, not to disturb their bubble. And Buck does feel lighter than the night before.

“I do feel a little better” Buck says but he yawns again.

“Still tired? You can keep sleeping, we’re right here” Eddie places a kiss on the back of Buck’s neck and pulls him closer. Eddie fits perfectly against Buck and he finds himself sighing in content.

“I love you Buck, I always will”

“I love you too” and Buck falls asleep again, knowing that his boys will always catch him when he falls.

* * *

Thanks for reading! Feel Free to comment!  
Part 8 in [Aftercare Bingo](https://chitownwolf.tumblr.com/post/188971501378/now-accepting-requests-for-buck-and-eddie-buddie) that I've created  
Come visit me on my [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/chitownwolf)!

[When your SO has Depression](https://www.healthline.com/health/depression/when-your-partner-is-depressed)

[Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration Hotline](https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline) is available 24/7:

SAMHSA’s #: 1-800-662-HELP (4357)


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